Friday, 16 September 2011

Orange Wednesdays: Colombiana

A Movie Review or Three


Seeing as this review has taken almost a lifetime to produce, It's hardly surprising that I've watched two more movies in the interim that I think are also worth sharing with you; I'm going to keep it brief-ish (after all, there's only so much I can expect you to put up with considering I don't pay you), but here we go. When I watched Colombiana, my reaction was whoah. Not WOW, but WHOAH. By my measure the action sequences were smooth, the plot slick and the actress fit (yes, I am easily pleased). So I came out of the cinema totally bowled over, which was kind of strange as my brother wasn't quite so impressed, when in fact he was supposed to have loved it, not me. So anyway, as per usual, when I got home I clicked onto Rotten Tomatoes to find out what the rest of the world was saying. Turns out my brother was bang on, not me. Apparently the film's unrealistic, nothing more than the tried-and tested little-girl-becomes-killer trope. So there I was, thinking oh sh**, here I sit chatting absolute breeze, telling my readers that good movies are bad and bad movies are good. Oh dear. Just to test this conclusion of mine, after watching 'Trust' on my brother's recommendation I went to find out if my opinion was agreeable on this one. This time, I wasn't so clean bowled but RT thught otherwise giving this one a hefty 78%. Not that it wasn't a good movie, just that it was very realistic. And that's when it came to me - what critics call patchy, I call escapist. I don't care for puny detail and intricate information - what I want is to be taken away from real world, transported into a fantasy where anything and everything is possible. I mean, if I wanted reality I’d watch the news or a documentary film would I not? I’m sure by saying these words, I’m officially the worst film critic/reviewer in the world - but this is just my opinion. At the end of a long day of work/university/chores/real world routine, I want appeasement, entertainment; not a hard-hitting social messages. I mean… let's even think books. Why are Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings so damn popular? Same reason if you ask me, the lure of being able to leave behind the real world for a few short hours with just a little imagination. So it turns out I'm probably going to give you reviews totally contradictory to what everyone else has to say. But if like me, you've a soft spot for Bollywood, Harry Potter is your childhood companion and you really couldn't care less that the actors should be speaking Spanish in Colombia and not English, then stick with me - I'll keep you posted on what you need to watch and what you don't.

Another one you could probably miss (unless you're completely in love with Mila Kunis, which I won't deny, she is HOT), is Friends with Benefits. The bottom line - it NEVER works. Think No Strings Attached established this fact… so errr, why the sequel?



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