Sunday, 27 March 2011

Sunday 27th March 2o11

So I was reading the news rather late last night when I came across this article; I have to admit I actually refreshed the page just to confirm that my tired mind wasn’t imagining this ludicrous story – artificial clouds?! Mr Sepp Blatter, you're prepared to turn a blind eye to the inhospitable climate of Qatar, you will consider changing the tournament date to December 2022 to bypass the issue (and you even ignored some compelling bids from other passionate footballing nations *ehem.*) But how can you possibly justify manufacturing clouds at a cost of £310k each when you had a choice of...well, another 191 nations (theoretically)that could just as well have hosted the 2022 World Cup. Where's the economic and environmental sense of it? Beats me.

I totally forgot that the clocks went forward last night. Well I didn't forget exactly - I was subconsciously aware it was going to happen but secretly wishing it wouldn't, that hour of sleep I lost was so goddamn precious lol! I was up until quite late chatting with my boyf and I’m paying the price now. Feel so dopey, was half asleep at work and managed to bash my head on a granite counter top corner on my way up from crouching. Nice. Got a lovely red bump on my forehead to show for it, I look like a bit of an idiot if I'm honest. Work was not SO bad today but I can bet a million pounds the hotel has never EVER been cleaner. Hard work! It’s been another gorgeous day outside though I have to say the spirits are still a bit low. It’s been a long time missing somebody and some days it’s tough finding the motivation to get up and get on.

Tell you what caught my eye, there’s a rather wonderful writer by the name of Paulo Coelho (I’m sure you’ve heard of him) and his blog’s a bit of a treasure trove for some-one like me, filled with some profoundly inspirational stories, quotes, ideas etc. This one is nice –

It’s so true, when the balance is not right it’s often difficult for friendships and relationships to sustain. I’d say in some cases I have the balance wrong too, like with my parents from whom I just take, take and take. Maybe it’s time to give something back too.

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Saturday 26th March 2o11

It's been absolutely manic at work. Hustle, bustle and jostle in every direction, a constant flurry of activity with everybody fixing and mending, painting and sorting, cleaning and tidying. Word has it that the bosses of the bosses, top dogs of the Rezidor group of hotels (includes all the Radisson Blus, Country Inns etc) are dropping by for a night or two next week. Y’know, only to discern whether service standards are high enough, how to attract and retain customers and what can be done to boost business in the future. As they do. No biggie.

I wish. It’s a biggie alright, everyone’s on edge like a ticking time bomb and SO stressed out! Now, on top of all the breakfasts, lunches, dinners, banquets, conferences, meetings, parties and the rest of it, it's a case of making every inch of the Park Inn absolutely brand-spankingly shiny and spotless. Just in case the CEO runs his finger along a skirting board in the store cupboard and announces promptly that business is slow because we didn’t clean it properly. Sure. :/ That’s all fine if there’s enough staff to do the job; my manager rather kindly left a large list of odd jobs to be done after regular breakfast service was finished...only I was alone and had to simultaneously serve in the restaurant and the bar, look after room-service orders, attend to 25 people in one of the conference suites upstairs and supervise the work-men/contractors (doesn’t help when one of them keeps coming back for coffee every fifteen minutes, telling you that you “look like a beautiful Spanish girl” – I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!). I think you’ve probably gathered I’m just a teeny bit stressed. And wound up. Really annoys me that the team at reception desk also think it’s okay to call every five minutes, “Can you take an ironing board to room 202?”, “Can you check the air conditioning in the conference suite?”, “Can you...?”. NO, I bloody well can’t because you’re sitting there doing nothing! Lock your till and go do it yourself! Grrrrr. I’m just going to take a deeeeeeeeeeeep breath...and I’m okay now. Sometimes I wish life would slow down a little. Rather than worrying and rushing my way through the day, I want to relish the routines and find time to relax. But as some wise man said it, life is like a race and unfortunately those who don’t run fast enough just get left behind.

It's another beautiful day weather-wise. Not sunny but cloudy and warm with heavy, expectant skies. Almost like India during the monsoons, my favourite season of all. Perfect for a bike ride. Time for chillaxation now, a good long shower and some fast-food for dinner. Happy Saturday to you all and those of you spending it with your boyfriend/girlfriend are very lucky indeed. Enjoy

Friday, 25 March 2011

Friday 25th March 2o11

Helloooooooooooooooo summer! A sweet, sunny seventeen degrees today and I think it’s finally safe to say that the “big freeze” is done and dusted for the year. SO nice to wake up in the morning without that all too familiar dread of dragging myself from my warm bed into the cold/wet/snow. Another really early start at work this morning (not half as bad as it would have been two months ago), only had to organise breakfast for about 100 “successful” business people, or the Watford Chamber of Commerce as they prefer to be called. All suited and booted this room full of (primarily middle-aged, English, upper-middle class and male) people were a rather fussy bunch, either it was too cold or too warm, the coffee was too strong and the tea too weak...they did keep me on my toes. I have to say the talk was rather interesting though, Watford MP Richard Harrington giving a lowdown on the Budget, what it means for business, why apprenticeships are an increasingly relevant and attractive option (in the face of extortionate tuition fees of course) and how the 50p tax rate works as a disincentive for enterprise. So more of a politics lesson really, than a shift at work.

It’s been a better day today. I’m normally in my element when I’m busy, when I am outdoors or spending time with those I want to spend time with. Had a good laugh with my colleagues, yummy cheesy chips for lunch and then a lovely long country walk with mum in the sunshine - a familiar little white pony waiting for us on the way. Applied for more internships and I finally feel I have a clear road ahead. It’s about time that I look forward and not back. Cooked some really delicious falafel burgers for dinner (dad LOVES chickpeas so he’s now singing my praises lol) and it's really not a bad end to what has been a topsy-turvy week. G’nite peoples. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Wednesday 23rd March 2o11

So, one two-hour “talk” with dad and my determination to move out has been pretty much dismantled though that wasn’t even his intention; he just presented me with counter-arguments to ensure I had all corners covered but it seems my resolve was a lot weaker than I expected. As much as I hate to admit it, dad is almost always right – he has age, experience, wisdom, insight, an ability to think long-term, my best interest and above all a father’s heart on his side, so even when he says something I don’t like unfortunately I can never doubt that he knows what he’s talking about. He said, “Why do you want to work so hard at a tiring, taxing job, only to struggle to cover rent, bills, food and transport when you can stay at home, save up and then reap the rewards of your hard work by enjoying how you spend your money? Take a holiday, a cruise, treat yourself to something If you feel you need more space, we’ll learn to let you be and if you feel you’re holed up in the middle of nowhere (Shenley being the tiny village on the top of a hill that it is), then just pass your driving test and get we’ll get you insured on the car.” What more could I say, I was gutted.

For some-one so young I s’pose I sometimes take life too seriously; my mind’s a bit of a muddle, maybe I need to take a step back and learn to take things with a pinch of salt. It has been the toughest year of my life having lost a lot that is precious to me...a constant chase for peace that still eludes me. But when I get paid I do want to go out shopping and for dinner dates, cotch around town for the day, buy an expensive pair of shoes, take an unplanned weekend break or treat mum to a lovely gift. Bills, commitments, worries vs. shopping, savings and my YOUTH?! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I need say no more.

U-turn made, time to start over once more with the new mind set :/ Ahhh well, new day tomorrow. Think the lack of sleep doesn’t exactly help a worried mind. Tell you what cheered me up - Caroline Quentin’s “Passage through India.” Stunning backdrops and incredible diversity, beautifully captured on camera, but the real winner is Caroline's desire to relate with the Indian people and their way of life. She's not aloof and uptight, but willing to try everything. India is truly a feast for the senses. Abundance of colour for the eye, a myriad of titillating scents to take in, so much noise(music, tooting horns, street vendors, to name a few sources) and enough culinary variety to surprise the palate each day for the rest of your life. She concludes her 4000 mile at the land's end of the country in Kanyakumari, known as the only place on Earth where three seas converge...Google it and tell me you don’t want to go there, like NOW.

Rant over. Sorry. Hope your day has been a little better than mine.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Tuesday 22nd March 2o11

I love Tuesdays – mum’s day off work so it's normally packed full with girly antics; gossip, shopping, cooking, movies or just chilling, often an awful lot of chores but they don’t seem half as bad when you’ve got good company. Mums...mums, they’re just so special aren’t they. From the time we start learning to walk mum is the one who picks us up each time we fall, brushes off our hurt, puts us on our feet and help us on our way again. And today, 21 years later she goes on doing exactly the same thing, loving us selflessly without considering whether we deserve it and never expecting anything in return. Without a shadow of a doubt my mum is my absolutely best friend; she’s aware of every minute of my life, my every pain, every achievement and every mistake. Every problem, every secret and every friend. Mum knows. Today I showed her the apartment that I like – all she had to say was that if it makes me happy, she's happy.

Lol, SO, mum’s been talked over now, (slightly stricter, slightly sterner) dad’s turn tonight :/ Wish me luck :D It feels a little like life is in limbo... but I guess good things come to those who wait.

Monday, 21 March 2011

Monday 21st March 2o11

As it happens my placement’s been postponed for a week :/ No biggie though, s’pose I could very much use the time for house hunting and job searching. Had another viewing today of an average one-bed studio but my word, in such a wonderfully convenient location; five minutes to town, three minutes to the station and across the road from where I work – bingo. It’s rather annoying because properties in the area are hugely in demand and snapped up ridiculously quickly, so if you see something you like you gotta move at the speed of lightning. I was so tempted to just pay the deposit and get my little place of peace... but then I remembered resolution number 2. No more lies? Guess that includes half truths and late truths too, so the plan is to talk the parents over tonight and hopefully see to securing the place tomorrow. Touch wood.

I actually love Watford. It’s a “city” outside the city, lively, bustling, great quantity and quality of career options and handy transport links to all over the country. Best shopping centre for miles around but if that’s not enough, deep sigh of relief, Westfield’s is just 2 stops down on the Overground. Quite a nice afternoon spent fantasizing about “my” flat and gorging on pick ‘n’ mix as I ambled slowly through town in the glorious sunshine, warm enough that I actually had to take my coat off – unbelievable! Something that caught (or rather disgusted) my eye today are these space-suity jackets (images below for your perusal) - what's with them!? Quite honestly if anybody wears one of these thinking they are even vaguely fashionable they might as well take off to another planet anyway. SO distasteful yet men, woman and children alike seem to be donning these tin-foil wrapped quilty duvet things. Yuckkk. People should also know that they reflect enough light to blind anyone walking behind or towards them. NOT cool.

I’ll tell you what’s really niggling at my mind today though. So, you know, this whole LDR thing (YES I know I do seem to go on about it a bit but let me just finish...) Well, it’s been a fair while now and though the emptiness hasn’t lessened one might say that I’ve grown accustomed to it. But this is the trouble – when couples live close to one another or together, one can gage the other’s mood instantaneously, often just by reading facial expression and sensing the atmosphere; tired worried or just in a plain bad mood – no problem, you’ve got a heads up. But when you’re 800 miles apart, how on earth are you meant to know when’s a good time to talk and when isn’t or whether your partner’s silence is tiredness, worry or something else? We all have good days and bad; understanding, accepting and internalising another person’s moods 24 bloody 7 is tough enough already – but virtually impossible when all you have to go on are emails and texts! L

The woes of real life ey.

"I'd give all wealth that years have piled, the slow result of life's decay,
To be once more a little child for one bright summer day..."

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Sunday 20th March 2o11

Ohhh I wanna to go back to bed :( woke up after just 4 hours sleep at some ridiculous time before even the sun decides to get up. Not fair. Bit of a tired, troubled mind, thoughts today are rolling something like this...

Disadvantages of work = early start, tiring job and less than satisfactory hourly wage. Advantages of work = early (start means early) finish, money each month, delicious food for free (see my breakfast buffet set up on the left... looks kind of appetizing no?), friendly colleagues and space/trust to get on with my work, unlike many retail chains nowadays where I swear the supervisor to employee ratio is 1:1 – a CONSTANT big brother style surveillance (dare stop and chat with a colleague, you may as well bid farewell to your job). Fortunately for me I was trained up and now I'm just left to go about my work in my own way. So on balance I s’pose the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Another great thing is that as I potter around the hotel there are numerous conveniently located HD screens, making for excellent "background noise” as you can imagine. When there's a sporting event, I watch it, when there's news, I know it...when there’s nothing, well, then there's always Friends :) It’s excellent for me as a politics student, always nicely up to date with the news and indirectly almost paid for being so. Score. Leads me smoothly to the next bone I want to pick – the news!

News, the bloomin' news, known synonymously these days as "Libya”. Or “Japan” of course. So correct me if I'm mistaken but basically there's a monster called Gaddafi who wants to hold onto power at any cost; doesn't mind being hated, branded delusional, killing his own people or creating enmity with the world, so long as he remains in charge. Or thinks he's in charge. Hmmm. Now this is puzzling. Why? Seriously, why? I mean even if the guy was selfish and self-centred, sooner or later his ego, if not his conscience should rebuke him - who wants to become a hate figure?! Strange, strange man.

Finally home from work and my warm, comfy bed is still taunting, teasing and tempting me – lo and behold, a mountain of work to be done before I can get into it. My work placement with YouGov begins tomorrow and I CANNOT wait. Some more jobs I’d like to apply for as well and a yummy pesto pasta coming up for dinner. Cooking for friends and family has got to be one of the greatest pleasures in life. Off I go xxx

Oh yeah, I promised you step 3 of my “Plan A” didn’t I? Where did we get to...1. New house. 2. No lies. 3. Time to buck up on the studies. Exams in under 3 months, I think I reeeeeeeeeeeeeally need to pull my socks up. An hours reading CONFIRMED tonight. I promise. Promise. Check up on me tomorrow. :D It’s a promise.

Saturday 19th March 2o11

Another weekend come and (half) gone already...I thought time was only meant to fly when you’re having fun?!! Somehow find myself ridiculously busy once more (clearly not busy enough to stay away from my blog though) - 6am start at work this morning, 9 hours later some job-searching, a quick shower and now here I am, baby-sitting my favourite “little” people in the world; cookie-eating Christian (remember him?) and his older sister Katie. Oh, did I forget to mention that it’s a Hindu festival today too..? So yerrr, kind of celebrated that somewhere in between as well.

Though there are numerous myths surrounding Holi, the festival of colour, it is universally celebrated as the victory of good over evil, the most common story being something like this: There was once a vain King called Hiranyakashipu who wanted to be worshipped as God in his kingdom; however his own son Prahlad, blindly devoted to the deity Vishnu, refused. Despite numerous warnings from his father Prahlad continued to offer prayers to Vishnu and eventually Hiranyakashipu, seething with jealousy, ordered for his son to be killed. By some divine miracle it is believed Prahlad escaped death every single time - poison, a herd of elephants and a room full of venomous snakes. Finally the king ordered his (demoness) sister Holika, who had a special gift from the Gods of being immune to fire, to take young Prahlad in her lap and sit on a pyre. As the spectacle unfolded onlookers were in disbelief, witnessing Holika burning to her death whilst the young boy descends from the pyre unscathed, having prayed to Vishnu to keep him safe. Far fetched? Yes. But all in good faith, for a good moral? Yes as well.

So how did we celebrate? Just a massive social gathering, “offerings” made to a colossal bonfire, and delicious fire-toasted sweets and snacks (like coconut, popcorn and dates) - great fun. Tell you what I loved the most, I had forgotten how magical bonfires are. The woody smell, tempting warmth, dancing shadows and crackling flames - beautiful evening and all in all not a bad day...time now for bed though, another ludicrously early start in the morning!

(I have point 3 of my 5-point plan tomorrow by the way. Good night.)

Saturday, 19 March 2011

Friday 18th March 2o11

Woke up today to the sound of my bf's voice, but as soon as we got off the phone my heart sank. It's like I wake up everyday and "re-realise" that he's no longer here. Not the end of the world, I know, but sometimes enough to make me feel like not doing anything at all. CBA tbh. It's funny because everyone including Cris, tells me that my happiness shouldn't be based on others. But that’s the thing - it's not based on any person but on the feeling of completeness and peace that being close to them brings. A life partner provides love, security and safety; there is comfort in caring for them and knowing that they are well - so when the status quo changes, is it not justified to feel unhappy and unsure? I know that I will travel to every corner of the world but eventually I’ll return home to those I can call my own. Nothing will keep me away because the sense of belonging is just too precious. I guess though we’re all different, on a journey of our own, but as much as I can’t rush my boyfriend home so I cannot help the emptiness in my own heart.

I have to say my feelings of doom and gloom were squarely matched by the typical English weather today - grey, dull and drizzling. Great. Trudged from Watford Town Centre to my first property viewing (only five minutes away, but still, damp rising up my jeans grrr). Quite a nice little place, cozy, contained and convenient. So, with some progress made and a hot chocolate at Nero, I soon came to the realisation that whether I wanted to enjoy this day or not, it was still going to go on. AND as I found out, no despair is beyond repair, what a lovely evening it turned out to be. :D

I’ll tell you something, nothing lifts my spirits better than a journey through the city. It is live, enigmatic, the energy infectious. The crowded trains on the musty underground, swarms of people sweeping through the stations, red buses, black cabs and rush-hour traffic. London is my sweetheart. Who says you can’t raise a family in the city? Vibrant, buzzing and so extremely diverse, if ever there was a place for children to learn tolerance and acceptance, it is here. Some hours spent chilling with my best friend and I feel a little lighter for it. Well, maybe “lighter” metaphorically but if we’re talking body weight, I think it's safe to say that we ate for Britain. Epic binge-fest following a sweet trip to Sainsbury’s where we had picked up just about every unhealthy food under the sun. BUT WHO CARES it’s a Friday night and that’s what we do; chick flick (Calender Girls - GREAT film) + comfort food + good company = the perfect night in. After a relaxing drive home I’m ready to hit the sack. G’nite xx

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Thursday 17th March 2o11

So it literally feels like I’m making a million job/placement applications every single day, yet to get even one response though. Hmmm. Not a happy bunny. However, one step closer to an apartment of my own so that’s good news. True to my resolution I feel like I have spent some time doing something for others today. Made some music CDs for my mum to listen to in the car, cooked an Indo-Chinesey Hakka-Noodley type dish for my family’s dinner, rather tasty if I may say so. Scrubbed clean my house (top-to-toe, three floors tall just so you know :p), spent a good hour catching up with a great friend on the phone and then the pièce de la résistance... Oh là là! Don’t be droolin’, coz you ain’t gettin’ none!

What else have I done...had a check up visit to the doctor’s, got roped into talking to an NSPCC representative en route (how the hell you’re meant to avoid these guys when they talk at you, in front of you and block you from walking ahead, beats me!) Anyway, nice guy and bloody good at his job too, CLEARLY, seeing as he managed to make me feel guilty for my “indulgent” Caffè Nero dates L “Come on, you are such a lovely girl, surely you can give up one coffee a month to save a poor innocent child from abuse...?” Well, seeing as I’m “lovely” I wasn’t exactly going to be the Scrooge and say no now, was I lol?! Sly I tell you.

Quite honestly I feel like I’m in a relationship with my laptop these days. Almost every waking moment spent by my laptop's side, either job searching or uni work, youtubing or applying for internships, but above all emailing and talking with the boyfriend. We talk on and off all day, everyday, not because we have to but probably just because we want to, because I miss him that much. As far as an LDR goes I suppose it doesn’t get better than what we have. When I need him he’s a phone-call away, when I just want to chat he’s an email away. He does all he can to stop me from feeling alone...But even then, even then, it’s not the same.

I can only hope to see him soon.

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Wednesday 16th March 2o11

They say that the truth only means something when it’s difficult to admit. So. Point 2 of Plan A.

2. From now on I’m going to tell the truth, no matter what, no matter why, when and to whom. Those of you who are “Asian” or know anything of us will know that it’s quite a big deal to have a non-Asian boyfriend. In some households the consequence is worse than others, but those of you who know me, know how lovely my parents are. I wrongly pre-empted their reaction, so filled with fear of introducing them to my boyfriend that ANYTHING seemed better than telling the truth. But it’s tiring, constantly keeping separate two parts of my life so equally important to me, yet totally oblivious to one another. Enough said.

In-keeping with the tone of my second “resolution”, it’s time for reconciliation and repentance, to make amends and in a sense redeem myself for my wrongdoings - I feel almost like my relationships need a “spring clean” lol. So, quite a plan for tomorrow... but today was one for cooking a lovely meal for my parents, a heart-to-heart with mum, a(nother) country walk and maybe a gazillion job/internship applications! I mean if ima get this new place of mine guess I’m gonna have to get my groove on.And soon.


Oh, something that caught my eye a while back. Beautiful slide show, wonderful message.

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Sunday 13th March 2o11

I envy those who have the leisure of a free and...well, leisurely weekend after a full week – I always find Friday to Monday is when I am busiest despite a relatively busy week too! 2 x 9 hour shifts at work done, and I am knackered! Regular Sunday, y’know, two events and breakfast to look after alone. But OH WELL, I'm ouuuutta there, home and comfy in my PJs now so who cares lol?! Spent some time job-searching when I got in, turns out Travelex are recruiting quite a bit (who in heaven’s name has the money to be globetrotting in the “current economic climate” I don’t know, but the job sounds rather fun). Fingers crossed!

A little something I thought I’d share wit’ ya, a book I finished reading today. On the surface it’s just a regular romantic thriller type novel, an absurdly dreamy story about a Hollywood superstar who falls in love with a plain-Jane. You get the picture and while I LOVE romances in any way, shape or form (as anyone who knows me, knows this) I wouldn’t bother selling it to you if it were “good” for this reason alone. What I like about it is that if you dig a little deeper, there’s an awful lot more to be said. The story explores the depth of a woman’s love and loyalty, what her man means to her and what it takes to make her leave. While most would assume that staying with an abusive man indicates a woman’s weakness, it is more often a sign of her strength and his weakness. It also forces the reader to deliberate on the multiple facets of human personality, how easy it is to put on a show for the outside world, yet equally difficult to hide yourself, your weaknesses and fears from those who love you. Rather deep.

One delightful hour of gossiping with one of my girlies, a huge comfort meal of jacket potatoes an’ TONS of cheese and my lovely cozy, toasty dressing gown LATER, I feel grand. Best wishes for the week ahead!

Saturday, 12 March 2011

Saturday 12th March 2o11

On my mind today...

...have you ever had one of those days where you feel like a human punch bag? Mm, I think today was my turn. It seems sometimes we forget that our words, actions and attitude impact on others – and those around us have feelings just the same as we do! Example – I was working my a*** off alone from 6am; laid out breakfast for 40 people, tidied up the bar (hovered, mopped, washed last night’s glasses before drying and polishing them, stacked the drinks fridges, cleaned out the coffee machine...), then cleared away breakfast and re-set the restaurant for lunch etc. When my colleague came in she said “It’s 12 o’clock, the restaurant is still dirty, neither have you collected the bar float.” Well, thank you for that.

...a trip down memory lane; remember these little babies LOL? Well, I happened to find this VCR at the back of my cupboard yesterday, and I have soooo many old tapes that I thought I’d never be able to watch again!

HUGE sigh of relief. Old is really gold, the noisy whir as I fast forward or rewind takes me right back to my childhood. Guess you know how my night is going to be spent.

...spicy South Indian food yummmmmmy :D Since spending a good few months in Bangalore during my gap year I guess I’ve developed something of a penchant for its cuisine that's just so fresh, light and healthy yet equally tasty and somehow substantial. Well, if I can’t go to Bangalore I can always bring Bangalore to me, so dinner was delicious idli and dal – think I got a little carried away though, I literally could not stop eating!

...normally I find it a bit of a time-waste fussing over my appearance too much; nail-painting, hair-straightening, eye-lash curling and all the rest but somehow today, well, today was an exception :D Et voila :D

Night night! xx

Friday, 11 March 2011

Friday 11th March 2o11

I feel low. Though it’s been a productive day, and a beautifully sunny one too, in a way I feel the mood for its entirety was predetermined by the abrupt start to my morning. Despite the lovely evening spent at home with mum and then, when I couldn’t get to sleep, slow music and working with photos and memories, sketching and scrapbooking until 3am, I awoke in cold sweat at 7am, shaking in fear from the nightmare that had forced my eyes open. The news was no consolation either, I pray that those who have lost their homes, their families in the Tsunami will find solace and strength in their hearts to rebuild what has been so brutally snatched away. We will never understand the reason behind human suffering but then I suppose nature doesn’t recognise the concept of justice. We each don’t get what we deserve, just that what we are destined.

On a lighter note, when a girl loses her smile...well a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do! And what can be better than a touch of retail therapy, a slow walk through the country and some cooking? Mum and I spent a good hour in the kitchen making a tasty (or so we are told) brunch for the family, consisting of una tortilla española con queso served with hash browns and toasted Ciabatta bread. Mamma mia, che festa! On reflection, what a randomly compiled meal lol - nothing like a spot of “culinary” globetrotting first thing in the morning now is there J !

I finally received confirmation for an Easter work placement in London, quite clearly couldn’t disregard the “cue” to shop for some formalwear; while I’m not exactly a shopaholic I do rather enjoy setting out with a list – woman on a mission! And mission accomplished today I daresay, returned home with a sexy-secretary skirt and some pretty tops as well. Very much looking forward to the full-time schedule, it will be brilliant on my CV as well serving a ready distraction for my over-bearing, over-active, over-worried mind. To put it bluntly, 2011 so far isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. It has been a rollercoaster and what scares me most is that despite being at odds with Mr 2011 already, unfortunately I am depending on him an awful lot for the way my future might shape up, so I really need him on my side asap!

When we face tough times we all need somebody to turn to. Although I am surrounded by my family and friends what it comes down to is an all-too-familiar emptiness in my life, just because the one person I want to be with the most is not there. Missing somebody is a b****, truly, there are some days when I miss him so much it hurts. But then it always is that way isn’t it, you spend a few beautiful days with somebody and when it’s time to leave you go through the pain of separation all over again. In all honesty though, it’s not the joking, talking, flirting, watching movies and eating together that I miss most (though I do bloody well miss that too). It’s the unspoken company, knowing that he’s just in the next room, that I can sit beside him when I want, cook with him when I feel like it, cuddle up to him when I so wish... and if he's not home, then sooner or later he will be. There is no need for constant conversation, the silence is just as, if not more companionable.

But such is life my friends, no matter what, no matter how and no matter where it must go on. For now it is a deadlock, but still we must live, and make the most of it, whatever it is.

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Thursday 10th March 2o11

Thursday already, another weekend soon on its way. Someone said it well, time and tide wait for no man. If you want to do something, do it now. If you want to say something, say it now. If you want to change something, change it now. Time is running on I tell you, it feels like just yesterday that I spent the last few minutes of 2010 with my boyfriend. And look it's mid-March already, as though I blinked and time moved on.

It’s been a brilliant week so far, busy just as I like it but I'm definitely looking forward to staying in tonight as my parents are home – brought me back some yummy biscuits from Gibraltar, so am a happy bunny. There’s an Indian television soap I rather enjoy watching; it’s been a fair few days since I had the chance to catch up on it, so it looks like my evening with the V+ box is set! It tells the touching story of an orphaned girl taken in by her uncle and evil aunty, denied the right to any affection or education whatsoever. She grows up to become a very meek girl, but one who still loves and serves others selflessly. Unfortunately when she’s “married off”, she faces rejection once more, this time from her husband who taunts her for her lack of education and simplistic lifestyle.

Based on reality to some extent I guess it works as an eye-opener, that what we readily take for granted as a “right” in this country is still just a dream for many others.

If any of you are wondering and waiting for the sunshine... well I think I have remembered where it hides. :D Absolutely magical world above the clouds, the light is so bright, so pure. Fortunately for me it looks like I might be making quite a lot of journeys by plane this year - family holiday, booked! Girly holiday, will soon be booked! Hoping to make that trip to my grandparents some point soon as well. Goodnight good peoples xx

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Wednesday 9th March 2o11

I'd say that waking up, rather than being woken up is one of the greatest luxuries in life; to open your eyes to the sunshine, slowly, remembering to yourself that last night was a beautiful one, as opposed to a ringing alarm or bellowing mother, forcing you bolt upright, eyes sorely peeled open. I rose today at my own leisure, sunshine streaming in through the window and washing over me with warmth, dispelling every last drop of darkness from the room. And I must say it has really been a while since I felt so happy.

Something that caught my eye in the papers yesterday - don't get me wrong, I have no interest in nor patience for the royal wedding but this picture really does seem far removed from all the formality that goes with the monarchy.

The caption beneath read "Kate cuddles into her prince.." For us girls brought up watching Disney movies (tales of impossibly romantic love that conquers all distance and difference, sagas of Prince Charmings that travel seven seas, climb tall towers or wait 100 years trapped in the body of a frog) it is difficult not to hope or imagine that for us too, a prince will show. For Miss Middleton, the fantasy has become her reality, a prince she can call her own. But maybe we don't all want a prince, just a man that will make us his princess, love and cherish us for who we are...What more?

Today was for chilling at a familiar coffee house in a familiar city...watched a nasty little movie called “The Resident” (scared me bloody s***less, keep checking around the apartment that nobody is there!) cooked up some dinner... and soon time for bed I think.

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Tuesday 8th March 2o11

I won't lie yeah, but some days I actually feel like I am super woman. Often being pushed to the limits of our endurance is when we women realise our true strength - we imagine we would have succumbed an age ago but in fact the elastic band of our tolerance stretches further than we ever hoped. Yesterday was definitely one of those "superwoman" moments. Technically, Monday is my day off from both work and university but more often than not it works out to be the busiest day of the week. Parents seen off to the airport. Done. Driving lesson. Dusted. Household chores. Done. Stack of Chappatis made (by "little mummy”) for the brother. Dusted. Audition in London. Done. Packing. Dusted. Late-night shift at work. DONE.

Phhhhhew! And you'd think I'd reward myself with a good long night's sleep... Alas! One day is just merging into the next, a continuum that never seems to end and here I am now writing down my thoughts. Today was always going to be a beautiful one, why so...well that's going to have to be my little secret. Above all however it was my parents' 27th wedding anniversary so congratulations (and bravo lol!) to them on completing a long journey together, although my friends I think it is still a long way they have to travel yet. As a spectator of the closest sort on their marriage I can say that they've finally reached a place nothing short of perfect - they have developed understanding over the years, affection, care, trust and memories that belong to them alone. They have been through every sunny and rainy phase of life, weathered and seasoned together. Now life has a rhythm and they have a routine in which they are incomplete without one another. When the going gets tough, which one of us doesn’t want to run? But a marriage takes more courage than that, it takes a man and a woman committed to resolving anything and everything in order to stay together. And my word, my mother. Beautiful, resilient and the most selfless human being I know, she has put her whole life and soul into her marriage, her home and her children.So here's to them, and another 27 years of their life.

Oh and whilst I remember, one more wish for that list of mine ;) When I was flying over to Stockholm, happened to glimpse a delightful little island that I now WANT! More tomorrow! xx

P.S. Just wanted “Tangled”...ahh, good old-fashioned love, a la Walt Disney. Perhaps it will turn out that I too am a long lost princess, might make that wish list slightly more achievable? Maybe...? :D

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Sunday 6th March 2o11

Grrrrr it should be against the law to get any less than 7 hours sleep... unbelievably early morning after a ridiculously late night, I sooo need some sleep! Woke up at 6 to get to work for 7, a little respite on the work front would have been appreciated, as it so happens the hotel was insanely busy. Typical. I do like Sundays at work though. Sundays have a calm about them giving time for rest and relaxation and most people staying at the hotel are young families or couples chilling together after a late night out.

Traditionally it is also a day for family and church – each week we have a group called “Celebrate Church” hire out 3 conference suites; the largest for Sunday service, second for confessions and Bible-led counselling and guidance and the third for use as a crèche. Though I'm not one for religion, I am somewhat humbled by the sense of community these people share. They come together not because they have to but because they want to; diverse in age, colour, race, origin – they are still one. And that’s valuable, a sense of belonging; as long as it doesn’t become “exclusive” perhaps there is more to be gained than lost from believing. The sermons themselves are rather nice too – not “preaching” as sceptics might presume, just straightforward messages. Have the courage to be a good person, give love and share all that you have. Makes for simple hearing but in truth choosing the right path rather than the easy one, and thinking for others, not just yourself requires real strength of character.

Got home and took a lovely long walk with mum in the sunshine, have since been making applications for summer internships and “freelance” political blogging. I guess no matter how long and difficult the road ahead, the journey will always begin with just one small step. So here’s to mine :D Monday morning has rolled round once more, wishing you all a great week.

P.S. Nothing like some home-made samosas to fire you up for the week! Hehehe, thank God for mums ey! ;)

Saturday, 5 March 2011

Saturday 5th March 2o11

I woke up today with the weirdest sensation. I knew my eyes had opened mid-dream but neither could I remember the dream, nor my reality. I didn’t know who I was, where I was, how I should be feeling or what to be thinking. I felt like I was floating in nothingness, no happiness nor pain, neither negativity nor positivity; an equilibrium filled with peace, a calmness, not the fear I thought one might associate with lack of identity.

Too bad it didn’t last very long, soon remembered I’d had an argument with somebody last night...even more annoyed when I looked at the time to realise I was awake a whole hour before I had to be (4 bloody 30 am!) So I decided to take a jog, been rather unwell of late and it must be centuries since I last felt like it. The faster I ran the further I relapsed into my state of obliviousness, free from all troubles and worries. I just ran, and I just ran.

Kind of regret it now because when I say centuries, I mean centuries – I'm so unfit, I kid you not! Legs feel like jelly, just finished a 9 hour shift at the hotel and I’m dead. Work cheered me up though, had a rowdy crowd of 30 rugby players in for an impromptu breakfast (literally pinching bacon and sausages on their way past), rather funny. This was followed by setting up for a wedding – yup, some luuuucky woman got hitched today. Have to say I was pleasantly surprised by how beautiful the hotel looked once the decoration was complete; to transform a conference suite into a woman’s white wedding fantasy is no menial feat – but I think we did good!

Et alors, je suis à la maison chilling and all. Made me some delicious, yummy oozing chocolatey cookies, mmmmmmm! Speaking of cookies, it simply can’t be the case that a weekend pass by in the Ramanuj household and our gorgeous little neighbour doesn’t turn up, defiantly banging on the door and demanding his cookies (pictured on the right devouring a sandwich). I have often been quite sternly told off for eating “his” cookies LOL :D So hopefully the little man might drop by tomorrow.

Well time now for a niiiiiiiiiiiice long bath, some Facebooking and a sneaky night out ;) Catch y’all later! xx

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Monday 28th February 2o11

Craaaaaaaaaaazy busy day! Among others, today was the day for...

... a new hairstyle at last! A weight off my shoulders, quite literally, I love the feeling as I run my fingers through my hair, now all one colour. Gone are the length and the highlights, and gone with them is some excess baggage, the negativity of days gone by. After all a haircut isn’t just a haircut. It’s a renewal of your reflection, a redefinition of who you are, how you choose to carry yourself and how others perceive you too.

... a wonderful gossip with a great friend and old work colleague, Sarah, a catch up on what we’ve missed and a recollection of some happier times. Topics discussed include the “annoyingness” of men, the frustrations of (long-distance) relationships and why women are ALWAYS right (so much more reliable, mature, organised...) = an afternoon very well spent!

...some DIY, fixin’ up my mum’s new kitchen table. first driving lesson on an “A” road. Thought I’d be scared s***less, but boy was I cruising...absolutely wicked fun, and I just can’t wait to pass my test now!

...and finally my first day back at work after rather a long break. I’d forgotten that I actually quite enjoy my job (perks include tons of chocolate cake and hot chocolates :D) as well the company of my colleagues. A job is a job, and those who have one I guess are lucky – all in all a wonderfully productive day.

Perhaps I forgot to mention the best part of all. But that will be my secret...


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