Sunday 3rd April 2o11

I've been chucked, feel in need of chocolate cake treatment. Any offers?

It’s kind of strange because I don't feel as I thought I would. Just numb and empty. It's been a few days now and I s’pose I’ve had enough time to get from feeling pitiful to feeling cynical. Some people have a very casual approach to relationships - if it works for you then that's great but I personally find that a relationship takes a lot out of you; time, effort, commitment, energy, thought, love, care, everything. So unless it’s going somewhere I don’t see the point in pouring my life and soul into something that will eventually come to nothing. Which is why today it’s with bitter disappointment that I’m forced to walk away, knowing I gave it everything I had but it still wasn't enough. I’m gutted. As they say though, you should never regret something that once made you smile; I’m thankful for the times we laughed, I will laugh upon the times we cried and never ever will I forget some of the most beautiful moments in my life. But now, it's just time to move on.

It's been mad busy at work this weekend, some 100 people for breakfast including 40 odd rowdy Blackpool supporters goin’ into London for the game today. You gotta love ‘em though, there's something just so hearty and wholesome about Northerners. They have time and will for a chat, unlike us Londoners, and they’re genuinely so cheerful and appreciative. They left me a rather generous tip for “great service and a beautiful smile”, and erm, a marriage proposal lol? Nice. I am really glad to have work keep me busy, being rushed off my feet means I have no time to think about other things. I don't seem to be getting so tired out anymore either, perhaps work is making me fit..?

I doubt it lol, not with Chef making me such wonderful lunches J It’s the first time as such that I’m working with food and I love it. Working late into the evenings this week I have spent some time waitressing in the restaurant, and where required, chipping in with the kitchen staff to put finishes to dishes or prepare side salads. The atmosphere in the kitchen is phenomenal, almost electric sometimes, as orders come reeling in and the finished plate goes out. It’s been good, insightful to say the least.

As always the same three words must be said. Life goes on. No matter what, no matter how. When something breaks your heart and your hope I guess you can either give up or get on. And for me it’s going to have to be the latter.