Wednesday 6th April 2o11

It’s been an odd week. Empty without the presence of a boyfriend but equally liberating. Liberating because the realisation has come that I’m not as weak as I thought. Of course I miss him, there’s nobody to care what I am doing each and every minute, no emails to make me smile and no more goodnight calls. Nothing. But the emptiness he left behind is the very same space that allows me to find freedom, independence and myself once more. I finally spend my time rather than squander it in constant wait for an email, a text or for him to return. I’m living in the present, free from regret for the past or worry about the future and that can never be a bad thing.Walking away is very difficult but there’s comfort in knowing that the hardest part is over.

April is synonymous with spring cleaning in my house and a big spring clean is definitely in operation. House, room, garden, wardrobe, relationships, finance, the works. You name it and it’s on the target list. Scoured through my wardrobe earlier this morning discarding everything I don’t like/wear, my bedroom has been cleared out, cleaned and rearranged, the garden will be seen to by the end of this week and old bills have been paid off and cleared. I’ve been catching up with old friends and new and it’s truly the first time in a long time that I feel settled. Not entirely happy, but settled. I have nothing to hide anymore and nothing more to lose. I’m ready just to start over. And things are definitely looking up...More tomorrow J