Wednesday 23rd March 2o11

So, one two-hour “talk” with dad and my determination to move out has been pretty much dismantled though that wasn’t even his intention; he just presented me with counter-arguments to ensure I had all corners covered but it seems my resolve was a lot weaker than I expected. As much as I hate to admit it, dad is almost always right – he has age, experience, wisdom, insight, an ability to think long-term, my best interest and above all a father’s heart on his side, so even when he says something I don’t like unfortunately I can never doubt that he knows what he’s talking about. He said, “Why do you want to work so hard at a tiring, taxing job, only to struggle to cover rent, bills, food and transport when you can stay at home, save up and then reap the rewards of your hard work by enjoying how you spend your money? Take a holiday, a cruise, treat yourself to something luxurious...no? If you feel you need more space, we’ll learn to let you be and if you feel you’re holed up in the middle of nowhere (Shenley being the tiny village on the top of a hill that it is), then just pass your driving test and get we’ll get you insured on the car.” What more could I say, I was gutted.

For some-one so young I s’pose I sometimes take life too seriously; my mind’s a bit of a muddle, maybe I need to take a step back and learn to take things with a pinch of salt. It has been the toughest year of my life having lost a lot that is precious to me...a constant chase for peace that still eludes me. But when I get paid I do want to go out shopping and for dinner dates, cotch around town for the day, buy an expensive pair of shoes, take an unplanned weekend break or treat mum to a lovely gift. Bills, commitments, worries vs. shopping, savings and my YOUTH?! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I need say no more.

U-turn made, time to start over once more with the new mind set :/ Ahhh well, new day tomorrow. Think the lack of sleep doesn’t exactly help a worried mind. Tell you what cheered me up - Caroline Quentin’s “Passage through India.” Stunning backdrops and incredible diversity, beautifully captured on camera, but the real winner is Caroline's desire to relate with the Indian people and their way of life. She's not aloof and uptight, but willing to try everything. India is truly a feast for the senses. Abundance of colour for the eye, a myriad of titillating scents to take in, so much noise(music, tooting horns, street vendors, to name a few sources) and enough culinary variety to surprise the palate each day for the rest of your life. She concludes her 4000 mile at the land's end of the country in Kanyakumari, known as the only place on Earth where three seas converge...Google it and tell me you don’t want to go there, like NOW.

Rant over. Sorry. Hope your day has been a little better than mine.