Saturday, 19 March 2011

Friday 18th March 2o11

Woke up today to the sound of my bf's voice, but as soon as we got off the phone my heart sank. It's like I wake up everyday and "re-realise" that he's no longer here. Not the end of the world, I know, but sometimes enough to make me feel like not doing anything at all. CBA tbh. It's funny because everyone including Cris, tells me that my happiness shouldn't be based on others. But that’s the thing - it's not based on any person but on the feeling of completeness and peace that being close to them brings. A life partner provides love, security and safety; there is comfort in caring for them and knowing that they are well - so when the status quo changes, is it not justified to feel unhappy and unsure? I know that I will travel to every corner of the world but eventually I’ll return home to those I can call my own. Nothing will keep me away because the sense of belonging is just too precious. I guess though we’re all different, on a journey of our own, but as much as I can’t rush my boyfriend home so I cannot help the emptiness in my own heart.

I have to say my feelings of doom and gloom were squarely matched by the typical English weather today - grey, dull and drizzling. Great. Trudged from Watford Town Centre to my first property viewing (only five minutes away, but still, damp rising up my jeans grrr). Quite a nice little place, cozy, contained and convenient. So, with some progress made and a hot chocolate at Nero, I soon came to the realisation that whether I wanted to enjoy this day or not, it was still going to go on. AND as I found out, no despair is beyond repair, what a lovely evening it turned out to be. :D

I’ll tell you something, nothing lifts my spirits better than a journey through the city. It is live, enigmatic, the energy infectious. The crowded trains on the musty underground, swarms of people sweeping through the stations, red buses, black cabs and rush-hour traffic. London is my sweetheart. Who says you can’t raise a family in the city? Vibrant, buzzing and so extremely diverse, if ever there was a place for children to learn tolerance and acceptance, it is here. Some hours spent chilling with my best friend and I feel a little lighter for it. Well, maybe “lighter” metaphorically but if we’re talking body weight, I think it's safe to say that we ate for Britain. Epic binge-fest following a sweet trip to Sainsbury’s where we had picked up just about every unhealthy food under the sun. BUT WHO CARES it’s a Friday night and that’s what we do; chick flick (Calender Girls - GREAT film) + comfort food + good company = the perfect night in. After a relaxing drive home I’m ready to hit the sack. G’nite xx

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