I feel low. Though it’s been a productive day, and a beautifully sunny one too, in a way I feel the mood for its entirety was predetermined by the abrupt start to my morning. Despite the lovely evening spent at home with mum and then, when I couldn’t get to sleep, slow music and working with photos and memories, sketching and scrapbooking until 3am, I awoke in cold sweat at 7am, shaking in fear from the nightmare that had forced my eyes open. The news was no consolation either, I pray that those who have lost their homes, their families in the Tsunami will find solace and strength in their hearts to rebuild what has been so brutally snatched away. We will never understand the reason behind human suffering but then I suppose nature doesn’t recognise the concept of justice. We each don’t get what we deserve, just that what we are destined.
On a lighter note, when a girl loses her smile...well a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do! And what can be better than a touch of retail therapy, a slow walk through the country and some cooking? Mum and I spent a good hour in the kitchen making a tasty (or so we are told) brunch for the family, consisting of una tortilla española con queso served with hash browns and toasted Ciabatta bread. Mamma mia, che festa! On reflection, what a randomly compiled meal lol - nothing like a spot of “culinary” globetrotting first thing in the morning now is there J !
I finally received confirmation for an Easter work placement in London, quite clearly couldn’t disregard the “cue” to shop for some formalwear; while I’m not exactly a shopaholic I do rather enjoy setting out with a list – woman on a mission! And mission accomplished today I daresay, returned home with a sexy-secretary skirt and some pretty tops as well. Very much looking forward to the full-time schedule, it will be brilliant on my CV as well serving a ready distraction for my over-bearing, over-active, over-worried mind. To put it bluntly, 2011 so far isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. It has been a rollercoaster and what scares me most is that despite being at odds with Mr 2011 already, unfortunately I am depending on him an awful lot for the way my future might shape up, so I really need him on my side asap!
When we face tough times we all need somebody to turn to. Although I am surrounded by my family and friends what it comes down to is an all-too-familiar emptiness in my life, just because the one person I want to be with the most is not there. Missing somebody is a b****, truly, there are some days when I miss him so much it hurts. But then it always is that way isn’t it, you spend a few beautiful days with somebody and when it’s time to leave you go through the pain of separation all over again. In all honesty though, it’s not the joking, talking, flirting, watching movies and eating together that I miss most (though I do bloody well miss that too). It’s the unspoken company, knowing that he’s just in the next room, that I can sit beside him when I want, cook with him when I feel like it, cuddle up to him when I so wish... and if he's not home, then sooner or later he will be. There is no need for constant conversation, the silence is just as, if not more companionable.
But such is life my friends, no matter what, no matter how and no matter where it must go on. For now it is a deadlock, but still we must live, and make the most of it, whatever it is.